Why Letting Go Of Control Makes Us Happy

Anything you can’t control is teaching you how to let go.” – Jackson Kiddard

Do you constantly find yourself striving for that sense of control in life?

Do you find it tough to just let go?

There’s nothing wrong or bad wanting things to be a certain way. We all have this ingrained need or desire for certainty and control. Yet there will always come a point when there is a price to pay.

Does it impact your level of peace and happiness?

Do you find yourself getting stressed out?

Yet what would happen if you could learn to let go of that constant need for control?

Seeking Control undermines Happiness

Consider what typically happens when you can’t always get things you want when you want them:

•          That coffee first thing in the morning

•          Some quiet time alone.

•          Things to be tidy and clean.

•          A glass of wine or beer in the evening.

•          Some TV to unwind.

•          The Internet for entertainment and news.

. What happens?

We tend to believe our ability to apply control over the environment is essential for our well being. Yet in reality this control we strive for can make us unhappy.

When something becomes a need it locks us in. We have to have it. This means we start arranging our lives around it.

So how can we make life a whole lot easier by letting go of that need for control?

Learning to Let Go!

The fewer needs we have, the less of a burden these needs become. The more often we strive for the same thing every day, the more likely they are to become a hindrance to our wellbeing.

For example I have a ritual every morning that takes a bit of time. I meditate for 30 minutes, read something inspirational and then stretch.

I try to do this every day, however some days I have commitments. Time is against me. It feels like I’m rushed and start to feel anxious trying to fit it all in.

I’ve now learnt I’m trying too hard to hold onto control. I find myself attaching to fixed ideas how things should happen.

I’m pushing for outcomes to happen the way I want them to. I’ve found that when I want to control the outcome of things, I become more anxious and tenser.

So what’s the answer?

Stop Trying to Change Reality

The reality is that things go much more smoothly when we allow them to happen instead of trying to make them happen. We don’t like letting go of things we like doing. So we end up pushing against the reality of the situation.

A good example from my own life is my expectations when I go on beach holidays. I love watching the sunset. It’s something special that I always look forward to. Yet my craving or expectation for that experience often comes at a price.

 I found I couldn’t accept it for what it was. I would often find I could not just enjoy that experience. It’s weird how anxious it would make me feel. If it was good I feared its end and if it was average I craved something better. But the reality I had to keep reminding myself is it is what it is! Enjoy it for that!

We often believe that if we get all the things and circumstances just right, then we’ll be happy. So, we try to manipulate people and circumstances in order to get them the way we want.

It never works out that way.

The problem is that everything is impermanent. Nothing ever stays the same. We get attached to certain things we like, and expect them to remain that way. This will always lead to disappointment-just like me and the sunset.

Take away Message

Letting go, when you know it’s best for everyone concerned, can be tough. We act as if we have control over everything around us.

I’ve had to let go of many things I thought I needed to survive, yet things always seemed to turn out for the best.

I’ve learned to sit back and let go, and so can you. It becomes so much easier with time and experience.

You’ll be able to move beyond that need for constant control and just let go, and not get attached to things in the first place. When this happens, then you’ll know true freedom.

How about you? Do you tend to try and control the world around you?

Are you a control freak?

How do you cope with letting go of control?

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